The event was a time of sweet fellowship among home school families, at which parents and children alike were encouraged and edified by one another, but I was hungry for the more intimate fellowship of a smaller group. I also had a very heavy burden for my teenage boys, and as I watched them visit with the other teens, I noticed that they had little interaction with the men. I was blessed to see men attend the family event with their wives and children, and I was grateful to see dads encouraging one another, but I knew my boys needed men in their lives who would purposefully and intentionally mentor them. The interaction they had at these large events was simply not enough.

I realized that night that my children and I were in a new season in our lives, and while I thanked the Lord for the sweet friendship and fellowship that He had always provided for our family, I began to pray for men who would be willing to mentor my boys.

I am always amazed at the ways in which the Lord answers my prayers. Not only did He provide my boys with mentors, but He blessed us with the lasting friendship of two families who opened their hearts and their homes to us. When the Lord impressed upon my heart two families in which the men had already extended an open hand of friendship to my sons, I asked those families if they would be willing to have a Bible study with our family. We began to meet twice a month to share a meal together and spend some time studying the Word. We sang together, worshiped together, and ate together; these two dads walked alongside my boys and became surrogate fathers to them.

While our three families met together during that season, we also became regular guests in each of their homes and were quite comfortable fellowshipping with them as individual families–despite the fact that ours was a single-parent family. Although I had hosted many events in my home for our home school group, my friendship with these families gave me the courage and confidence I needed to open my home to the more intimate fellowship that is shared when two or three families come together to share a meal and fellowship. We were no longer a broken home that needed to hide behind the crowd of a large group so that no one would notice ours was a single-parent family. We were a whole family that was welcomed into the fellowship of another whole family. What began as a season of loneliness became a season of sweet friendship, rest, and growth.

There are seasons to all things, and families need different types of fellowship at different seasons. But, the saying we all heard as children still holds true: “To have a friend, you must first be a friend.” I have met many home school moms who are desperately lonely, just as I was during that difficult season in my life. Although social media may be a good way to meet other home school families, it is not a substitute for face-to-face contact, and although larger home school events fill an important need in the home school community, home school parents–especially home school moms–also need the encouragement and edification that is shared between friends.

Friendships are built when people share their hearts and their lives with one another, and as home schooling has grown and the world has become connected by the Internet and social media, every home school family knows at least one other home school family, so there are countless opportunities to build community and fellowship with one another. You do not have to have a large home, be a leader in the home school group, or have all the answers to every home schooling dilemma to reap the blessings of opening your home and your heart to another.

Every family–whether it is a two-parent home, a single-parent home, parents of many, or parents of one–can find ways to connect with others. Invite another family to share a meal. If you feel your home is not adequate to host even one or two families, do not let that stop you from fellowship. Invite one or two other families to a cookout in the park. Be proactive in your home school support group and help host events–large-group fellowships do fill a need! Be attentive to the needs of others within your group–perhaps your family is the one called to open their doors to a single-parent family or a family with younger children. Befriend a family with a special needs child and learn how to help them. There are countless opportunities for fellowship, so open your home—you may find that the Lord has opened wide the door of your heart and filled it to overflowing with the sweet blessing of fellowship.

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I have always enjoyed having people come to my home, sharing a meal with them, hearing their stories; “the more the merrier” is my motto. Many times I would worry about how I would stretch the food in order to feed everyone. When holidays approached, our limited income would often cause stress about being able to afford the special holiday food items I desired to serve. Sometimes I would not be able to get those items until the day before I needed them, which added to the stress I already felt.

Like a lot of people, I watch “Extreme Couponing” in amazement at what people can achieve through the use of coupons. I also watch it in disgust at the huge stockpiles some people have amassed. Ultimately, I was inspired to check into couponing because my husband’s income is cyclical, and we struggle through December, January, and February each year, having all the same bills but less income. I thought that perhaps I could learn to coupon and help us to get through the lean times more creatively.

I watched tutorials online about couponing (a favorite site is www.livingwellspendingless.com), learned about the specifics of couponing at various stores (because each has its own policy and parameters), and started off by buying two newspapers each week. I call what I do “semi-extreme couponing,” because I am not amassing a stockpile that needs its own bedroom, nor do I get hundreds of dollars worth of items for a pennies on the dollar.

In a short amount of time, I had six months’ worth of laundry detergent, body wash, toothpaste, razors, pantry items, and more, for a minimal investment of time and money.

As with many of “my” plans, I thought I was stocking up for one particular reason, but God showed me multiple reasons to do so. First of all, the Bible tells us to plan ahead for future needs. Many people do not plan ahead, and they must resort to the use of credit cards when an emergency happens, which can hurt an already-strained budget.  The Proverbs 31 woman makes sure that the items her family will need are gathered and stocked before the need arises. She is not afraid of what the future holds and can minister to others.

Second, when we purchase items before we need them and at the most inexpensive price possible, we free up our money for other purposes: higher utility bills, charitable giving, paying down debts, investing, or saving for larger purchases. Though we live on a very limited income, since I started couponing, we have been able to pay some debts and get our finances on a more solid footing.

Third, the Bible also tells us in Matthew 5:42, “Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away.” If we are not careful with our resources, we will not have anything to give. When we have plenty, we are able to help meet the needs of people who are in need. Meeting a person’s physical needs shows them that we care about them, and they are then more receptive to hearing about the gospel. This past winter several families that we know were struggling and shared their needs with us. It was a blessing to be able to go into my “store” and send bags of groceries, toiletries, and pet food to help them through a tough time.

Fourth, when my pantry and cabinets are full, I am ready to receive visitors at any time. I can confidently say to my family members, “Sure, bring your friend to stay for the weekend.” If someone realizes that they have forgotten to bring a toothbrush or shampoo, I have extras on hand. We can enjoy each other’s company instead of running to a store to purchase the forgotten toiletry.

The results of couponing have greatly enhanced my opportunity and ability to be hospitable and generous. I am less reticent about inviting people to stay for a meal, a night, or a weekend—because I know that I am prepared. In seeking to be a better manager of the finances we have available, I have also become a better host to my guests. I have been blessed beyond any expectations I had at the beginning of my coupon “experiment” back in the summer of 2011. I encourage you to try semi-extreme couponing and see what effect it has on your hospitality.

Holly Williams Urbach has homeschooled her children since 1993. She has been married to her husband Joe since 1985 and is also a mother of five and grandmother of two. Holly currently works as an on-site director for a home school academy and in property management while completing homeschooling with her youngest two sons, both of whom will be graduating by May 2013. In her spare time Holly enjoys writing, gardening, physical fitness activities, and interior decorating.

The post Hospitality appeared first on Texas Home School Coalition.

Once upon an ordinary homeschooling day, our home school accidentally became an American embassy. My family became ambassadors. Even more surprising, it was to Germany, a nation where homeschooling is basically considered a crime against the state; it is a serious offense.

I removed my children from a wonderful, private Christian school when my daughter was thirteen and my son was nine. We had needed that money, but I had always secretly wanted to homeschool them anyway.

Ironically, shortly before we began our home schooling life, I talked my best friend into transferring her children from public school to our private school. My friend’s mother never liked me again. A German national who moved to the United States after she married a military man, she was a huge fan of public school systems. When we started homeschooling, she grew concerned that her daughter would follow in my footsteps and start homeschooling as well.

This woman’s family in Germany occasionally “crossed the pond” to visit her, and about three years after we began homeschooling, her German nephew arrived. Coincidentally, he was an English teacher! I was unaware of his vocation, so I was overwhelmingly surprised when my friend’s mom phoned one morning and asked if she and her nephew could “observe” our home schooling day “because we are curious.” It sounded as if they wanted to catch us at something.

We were one of those families who homeschool mostly in the mornings (thus, usually in our jammies), with afternoons off for creative pursuits. Fortunately, we had enough forewarning to actually bathe, get dressed, and be ready for their visit. That turned out to be a very good thing, because the second they crossed our threshold, it was evident they were “curious,” yes, because they were curious to see what criminals in action looked like!

Kurt (not his actual name) was polite but subtly hostile (unlike my friend’s mom, who sat on the couch and glared at us). As soon as I realized the implications of demonstrating home schooling to someone who actually believed we were committing crimes against the state, I panicked. If I could barely convince my own skeptical family we were not committing educational child abuse, how could I convince a suspicious stranger we were not committing an educational felony? That was more responsibility than I had anticipated for a morning I had planned to dedicate to a field trip to the Houston Zoo.

I shot off a quick prayer request to our home school group, warned my kids to be on their best behavior, and bit the bullet. Though it sounds like something stereotypical, the first question Kurt asked was whether we studied evolution or creationism. As soon as we showed him that the curriculum we used (A Beka) compared both philosophies side-by-side, he softened a little. It was just a little, but it was noticeable.

He continued inquiring about the curriculum we used for each subject, softening more after reviewing each one. Finally, when he asked about history, he was so surprised to see that my daughter’s textbook noted that Hitler’s rise to power (thus, the start of World War II) was partly due to the Allies’ treatment of Germany after the First World War that he stopped inspecting our curricula entirely!

He may not have admitted it, but the belief he had when he walked in–that we myopically homeschooled with subversive, one-sided curricula­­–had evidently been refuted by our curricula. Yet, he remained cynical. He quizzed us about extracurricular activities and creative pursuits. When we explained that we would not have time to school at all if we pursued very many of the numerous home school activities available, he seemed satisfied. When my daughter showed him a trilogy she had written (complete with its own Tolkienish language) and my son showed him his collection of hand-drawn comic strips, he finally sat back and relaxed. He never praised the home schooling life, or even admitted it was a respectable alternative to governmental education, but he never said another word about it.

With his hostility and my nervousness dissipated, we asked a few of our own questions about his life in Germany and soon learned he played guitar. That opened the floodgates because my daughter plays too, and before we knew it we were all singing, laughing (mostly at our singing), and telling more stories about life in our respective nations. We actually learned a lot from him, so I ended up being thankful for his visit. We enjoyed it so much that we even invited him back for a cookout the next night. My best friend came for the cookout too, and we all played games and laughed until almost midnight. It was one of those rare, memorable, perfect evenings you try to recreate later but are never really able.

As Kurt was leaving that night, he mentioned he had to fly home to Germany the next day, and he actually had tears in his eyes. We moved a couple of years later and never saw him again. I have always wondered if he told any of his fellow German educators what he witnessed here. I hope he did, and I hope that he even convinced a few that what he saw when he was in our embassy was not a “rebellion” against the state at all. I hope that my family and I were good ambassadors for home schooling, for the sake of the families in that nation who wish they could homeschool.

Amber Ferguson homeschooled both her children all the way through high school and considers those years the happiest ones of her life. Though she’d rather spend her time planting flowers in her yard, she now works as a freelance author and artist at her home in Lubbock, Texas, with her husband Doug. 

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Throughout the years, we have often had people in our home, many whom we did not know. Some have come for a meal; some have stayed a night or two or longer; all have been blessings. That is not to say it has always been easy. It is to say that through each experience, the Lord taught us many things as our family has served together.

We always believed that homeschooling was a great way to teach our children not just academics but also godly character–including having good etiquette and being hospitable—both  of which are major aspects of the character quality of honor (regarding one another as more important than yourself –  Philippians 2:3 NKJV). Practicing hospitality allowed our children great opportunities to participate in service to others and to learn to put the needs of others before their own desires. They were able to meet and know people who had lived in many different places and had had very different experiences from their own.

If you have never practiced hospitality, do not feel overwhelmed. Start small. Let your children invite friends home with them and be sure to teach them to be good hosts, considering the needs of their guests. Have a family over for dinner or dessert and let your children help make the food, set the table, serve the company, and clean the kitchen.

On top of learning to honor others, who would want to miss the potential opportunity to entertain some angels?

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. (Heb 13:2)

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May I offer an alternative? Instead of entertaining, offer hospitality. The differences are not subtle. When we entertain, we are often ruled by our pride. When we offer hospitality, we are inspired by charity. Entertaining seeks to impress. Hospitality seeks to minister.

In her excellent book, Open Heart, Open Home, Karen Mains writes:

Secular entertaining is a terrible bondage. Its source is human pride. Demanding perfection, fostering the urge to impress, it is a rigorous taskmaster that enslaves. In contrast, scriptural hospitality is a freedom that liberates.

Entertaining says, “I want to impress you with my beautiful home, my clever decorating, my gourmet cooking.” Hospitality, however, seeks to minister. It says, “This home is not mine. It is truly a gift from my Master. I am his servant, and I use it as he desires.” Hospitality does not try to impress but to serve . . . Entertaining always puts things before people . . . Hospitality, however, puts people before things.

Hospitality is a ministry. As such, it is not bound by time or space. To offer hospitality, you do not have to offer an invitation; you do not even have to be at home, and you certainly do not need to spend days beforehand cooking and cleaning and decorating. To offer hospitality, you have to open your heart to see and meet a need. Hospitality might be a home-cooked meal wrapped in a pretty towel and carried, still warm, to a neighbor who is going through a difficult time. The charity of an open home extended to a child while his mother has a moment to herself is hospitality extended to all. The comfort of a friend who offers a cup of tea at a well-worn kitchen table on a teary afternoon is hospitality that cannot be captured on the glossy pages of a magazine.

In order to truly extend hospitality we must put away our pride. We must be willing to open our doors, no matter the state of homes or our wardrobes, and to graciously seek to make our visitors feel welcome and at ease. When we do this, we allow people to see us as we are. We put away the pretense, and we offer ourselves with all our weaknesses. They can see that we are striving humbly towards holiness, and they can see that only God can perfect us. When we offer ourselves to other people and allow them to see our imperfections, we take a chance. We chance that they, too, will accept us in a spirit of charity. Hospitality works best when both the giver and the receiver assume the best about each other.

Entertaining often has a reward attached to it: social stature, a new job or a promotion, an accolade, a return invitation. Hospitality is freely given, with no thought to reciprocity or reward. The heart that is ordered towards charity offers hospitality to those who most need it, even if those are not the people whose company we most desire. This is charity—a virtue we can model for our children when we ensure that they are hospitable to their friends and even to the child who might otherwise be excluded.

When you give a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your kinsmen or rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return, and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you. You will be repaid at the resurrection of the just. (Luke 14:12-14) As we begin to practice the ministry of hospitality, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. We open our doors and our hearts, and certainly some people will come through those doors who do not view our efforts through the same lens of charity. On occasion we will hear a critical comment; we will be judged according to the world’s standards. We will feel as if we have come up short. But we have not truly. Those are the times the hospitable hostess will offer to Christ, imperfect and heartfelt, knowing that He will redeem the time and the effort.

This holiday season, make hospitality your prayer. Seek to comfort and to minister. Look for ways to lighten someone else’s load. In every guest, no matter how cranky, no matter how demanding, see Christ. Open your heart wide; risk allowing people to see your weaknesses—for it is in those very weaknesses that his power is made perfect.

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“As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.” I Peter 4:10

No sooner had the alarm sounded than my husband rolled over and turned it off. I had set it a little earlier than usual for myself, hoping to get a good start on another week of homeschooling. But as Matthew 26:41 attests, “. . . the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” I admit: I was tired. So I rolled over and caught another hour of sleep.

I tried to rationalize to myself that we had had an unusually busy weekend, beginning with Friday morning. My older boys had a scheduled, mid-day basketball game. Our church school graciously allows home schoolers to be a part of their team, for which we are very grateful! Since this was an away game, they needed to be at the school by 10 a.m. to catch the bus. They would not be returning until 3:30 p.m. It was a nice break for them from the academics.

After dropping off my boys, I did the week’s food shopping to get the necessary supplies and ingredients to prepare for the weekend. School was completed hastily with my younger children, so I could devote the remainder of the day to food preparation for the upcoming events.

On Saturday we hosted a “couples’ baby shower” for a dear Chinese couple expecting their first baby. They were friends of my oldest, married son and his wife. To our knowledge, we were the only American family that they knew and with whom they associated. As Christians, we desired to reach out to them in love. My daughter-in-law invited all of their other Chinese friends to help celebrate and to introduce them to the American way of welcoming new babies. This was new to all of them, since the Chinese tradition is to wait until after the baby is born and then have a thirty-day-old party for the newborn. The shower lasted from late afternoon into the night.

The next morning we attended Sunday school and morning services. We then returned to our home with a visiting missionary family to host a meal, fellowship, and to show hospitality. The afternoon passed quickly, and then we needed to have them returned to church early enough to be able to set up their slide presentation for the evening service.

We made it to bed that night, exhausted but feeling greatly blessed at all of which the Lord had allowed us to be a part.

And so, on Monday morning, I did not feel guilty “rolling over” and catching a few extra minutes of sleep. This was one of the “perks” of home schooling: having the authority to tweak the schedule.

But in actuality, my homeschooled children had experienced a different kind of learning. My nine-, eleven-, thirteen-, fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds had been a part of a cultural experience with the Chinese—socializing, talking, sharing, hearing the broken English, watching them taste American food, seeing their likes and dislikes, and extending Christian hospitality. They gained a glimpse of the missionary’s experience on the foreign field. Then, on Sunday, my children had the privilege of fellowshipping with a missionary family on deputation to gain support for their call to Australia.

These experiences could not have been gained from a textbook. In being honest with myself, they were two full days of “learning of a different kind”—real life home schooling! So, I guess I really did not need to feel guilty for turning off the alarm. I venture to say that a late start on this Monday was allowed—if not called for.

PRAYER: Father, thank you for the privilege of having a blessed, busy weekend. Help me not to put my academic homeschooling in such a box that I miss the “real” life homeschooling: the foundational purpose for which You called me into this educational choice.

Maribeth Spangenberg is wife to Steve, homeschooling mother of nine children, and happy, new grandmother to one granddaughter. She considers it a blessing and a ministry to be able to encourage other mothers and home schoolers to “stay the course”!

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“At his table [my father] liked to have, as often as he could, some sensible friend or neighbor to converse with, and always took care to start some ingenious or useful topic for discourse, which might tend to improve the minds of his children. By this means he turned our attention to what was good, just, and prudent in the conduct of life; and little or no notice was ever taken of what related to the victuals on the table.”

Many have tried to sound the depths of Ben Franklin’s soul to find some key that will explain how such an illustrious example of academic excellence could have been produced in the backwaters of our early American colonies. Here was a world-class philosopher and statesman! His experiments, most notably with his kite in the thunderstorm, and his many inventions, from the Franklin stove to the lightning rod, are very well known. His civic innovations in Philadelphia, founding the first lending library and the first volunteer fire department, have been honored in every elementary school textbook. His contributions to the Continental Congress and later to the Constitutional Convention rank him among our greatest Founding Fathers. He was also our nation’s first Postmaster General, which might add a new twist to the popular idea of “going postal.” Finally, his humble appeal to his fellow delegates at the Constitutional Convention to kneel in prayer to God for His help in breaking through the political gridlock inspires us that he must have been a God-fearing man, at least in his old age.

Unfortunately, the preponderance of the record reveals a great man caught up in the philosophical and religious liberalism of his day. Franklin rejected the faith of his fathers, to be what the Puritans called a “civil man,” meaning a top-notch worldling—a really nice sinner. He continued to believe in God, but in his own way, and certainly not in the way revealed in the Bible. Jesus Christ was not his Lord or Savior. So, with all his brilliance, he was lost for eternity.

But you could never find a more interesting or more likable man.

The idea I would like to propose is that Benjamin Franklin was, at least in part, a product of the power of companionship, and especially of the companionship engineered by his father through strategic, manly hospitality.

Notice that his father’s choice of guests and topics of conversation were affected by his desire for his children’s minds to be improved. The table talk was intended to turn each youngster’s mind to what was good, just, and prudent–not a bad purpose. Notice also that the children would get caught up in the discussions to such an extent that little notice was taken of what was on the table. A feast of ideas was spread in such a way as to overshadow the normal fare. This is the way “real men” have guests. There was no obsession with the folding of the napkins or even how impressive the food would be. It was simply, “Here’s the grub. Have a drink. Now what do you think about that fellow Tom Paine?”

This kind of hospitality can be a key to successful homeschooling today. We overlook the potential of having interesting guests over for dinner. Even when we do have guests, we neglect our responsibility to guide the conversation toward what will be of value to our children. We certainly take more care for the “victuals” than for the discussion. So, how can we turn things around a bit and get more of the positive aspects of the Franklin Effect?

One place to start might be to look at what our children are already interested in and ask ourselves, “Who do we know who could fan the flames of this child’s delight?” If your child loves horses, why not have an equestrian over for dinner (even if he does eat like a horse!). And if you child has a budding interest in art, why not entertain a local artist? If music is high on your list of values, attend the symphony, and invite a friendly violinist or two over for supper. People love to talk about what they do. They also enjoy sowing the seeds of their delight in the hearts and minds of a new generation.

Many will remember when my son Joshua started New Attitude magazine. It ran for three years and had quite an impact. The fact is it began as a cool project in the last year of his homeschooling. But an interesting detail in the story is that Joel Belz of WORLD Magazine was our dinner guest some time prior to Josh’s big idea taking shape. Joel’s stories about growing up as the son of a pastor who bravely bought a small printing press and made his sons all learn how to run it, brought the sound of the press running and the smell of the ink right into our living room. Joel went on to study journalism and to launch many Christian publications. Somehow, writing and editing and publishing a magazine for homeschooled teens did not seem so unrealistic after having dined with a real magazine publisher.

Now, Mr. Beltz is a godly man, reformed in his faith and zealous for the souls of the next generation. His influence on Josh, and on me, was a real gift from God. It would have been different, I am sure, if he had been the publisher of secular comic books for fun and profit. The power of companionship in hospitality cuts both ways. “Those who walk (or eat) with the wise become wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” (Proverbs 13:20). Later in the process, men like Randy Alcorn, Michael Farris, Chris Klicka, and others fanned Joshua’s excitement with their own stories and examples. But simple hospitality played a big part in bringing it all together.

The potential for this strategy goes far beyond mere academics. What do you think would happen if more of us began to host missionaries in our homes? Our children might catch a vision for serving God in nations around the globe. Host an evangelist, and watch a passion for souls take root in your hearts. Host an author, and notice how your teens begin to dream of writing their first article or book. It is all the power of companionship working through hospitality.

Some conference organizers have asked me why I request to stay in the home of a family when I travel and speak for their state home school conferences. Why not just stay in a nice hotel? The reason is that by staying in homes, I get to meet a lot of homeschooled adolescents and teens who, to be candid, are often in various stages of boredom with their homeschooling. I like to change that.

Where there is no vision, the people (including home school students) perish. Discipline without direction is drudgery. But discipline with clear and passionate direction is a delight. And delight is the rocket fuel in every attempt at excellence. I enjoy stirring the ashes for embers of delight in a home school student’s heart. Sometimes I get to plant a seed of vision of what could be done with all the extra time a home school lifestyle provides. I want to do for others what men like Joel Beltz do for my children when they visit.

It is not a perfect panacea. Not all guests make good companions. Ben Franklin may have been led away from God by one of his father’s guests. We do not really know. But we do see the power that companionship and hospitality had in Franklin’s full and productive life, even if he did not come to Christ. God help us as parents to “prove all things and hold fast that which is good.”

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