These days, television isn’t fit for families, so my kids have to settle for old “Dick Van Dyke” re-runs, but in the good ol’ days, most of what I learned came from those wonderfully-simple shows. I was thinking about one of those ’80s shows just recently–not so much about the show but about one of the lines used in most every episode.

Let’s see how good you are. The show was kind of a good guy/bad guy, man show. There were lots of explosions and a big battle at the end of the show. There was a crazy guy named Murdock and a gold-necklace-strewn, muscle man named B.A. Baracus’ (BA stands for Bad Attitude) whose only line seemed to be, “I pity the fool who messes with me.”

You guessed it! The A Team . . . but Mr. T’s line isn’t the line that I’ve been pondering lately. It’s the one that Hannibal uttered right before the battle scene. “I love it when a plan comes together,” he would say with a big stogie hanging from his mouth.

He said what we feel. We like it when our plan comes together. We like things nice, neat, and orderly—and with predictable outcomes. And while that plays out nicely on television, the honest truth is that most of the time our plans don’t come together. Instead, our plans too often fall apart, disintegrate right before our eyes, and leave us dumbfounded and stunned.

I’ve talked to plenty of homeschooling parents who were sold a plan. They followed the plan and then later stood before me with tears in their eyes because the plan “didn’t come together.”

“We did everything they said to do,” they muse.

“We didn’t have TV . . . we homeschooled . . . we ate organic . . . we only wore dresses . . . we sheltered and protected . . . our kids played the violin . . . we emphasized the classics . . . we never missed family devotions . . . we emphasized purity . . . we birthed our children at home . . . we had a home business” and on and on the list goes. They feel betrayed, angry, and lost.

I have to admit that several years ago when I heard their sob stories, I inwardly wondered what they had done wrong. I believed that they must have gotten the wrong plan–or didn’t carry the plan out according to the instructions. And while some of that may be true, I know now that sometimes our plans don’t come together because God has a different plan.

For us it was simple in those early years. Our children were young (and easy to control), the pressures of life were few, and we were optimistic–and naïve. But the years rolled by, the children got older (and not as easy to control), the pressures increased and suddenly we felt like our best-laid plans were unraveling a bit.

The things that my wife and I were so sure of when we started this parenting journey, we now found ourselves at odds with, wondering if we were sold a bill of goods or wondering what we did wrong to mess up the plan. We firmly believed that if we did things the ‘RIGHT way,’  we would get the desired results.

We assumed that if we controlled our children’s lives and influences and removed all ‘obstacles/temptations,’ we would avoid all the heartache and struggles so many parents seem to encounter. But guess what? GOD had a different plan.

Oh, to be sure, we made lots of mistakes . . . big ones, but I’m more and more convinced that homeschooling, parenting, marriage, and life doesn’t always go according to our plan. That’s not to sound hopeless; I believe it is part of God’s design to keep us close to him. We wouldn’t need HIM if all we needed was a good plan.

So what are you to do when your plan doesn’t pan out? What are you supposed to do when your child chooses things you wouldn’t choose, dislikes your likes, likes your dislikes, has friends you don’t like, wants to date instead of court, go to college instead of apprentice, apprentice instead of go to college, or work instead of either? What if you don’t see eye-to-eye with your spouse, and your children think you’re a big kill-joy?

First of all, go to your room, get down on your knees and thank God for HIS plan and relinquish your plan. Ask for wisdom in seeing your family members as part of HIS plan and not as enemies who messed up your plan.

Dad and Mom, our job is to walk the path on which God takes us and learn what He wants to teach us all along the way. We get so uptight about the change in plans that we quit enjoying . . .  everything! We don’t enjoy our home, our children, our mate, or our life. How life would change if we would just acknowledge the fact that God knows what he is doing and that HE may be doing it a different way–a better way than we ever envisioned.

I know that’s the case in my life. If all had gone according to my plan, I would have missed out on the lessons I’ve learned–er, am learning–about loving unconditionally and weeding out all the junk in my life that I never knew lived there. If only my plan was involved, neither I nor my children would have learned all they have about God, His forgiveness, and what it means to wrestle through to find His will.

After you’ve prayed, get off your knees and begin a new plan (one that God will probably change as well). Stop lamenting the fact that your old plan didn’t work out like you wished and start from where you are right now. If your daughter wants to like a boy, talk to her and come up with something that works. If your children hate the classical style of learning, try something different. If your husband doesn’t like dresses only, then go buy a pair of pants. If you’re tired of having babies the natural way, ask for an EPIDURAL! It’s about going forward–not looking backward.

The post When the Plan Doesn’t Go According to Plan appeared first on Texas Home School Coalition.

Now, I know that for the womenfolk who are reading this article, even the mere mention of homeschool conventions sends chills down their spines. To a homeschooling mom, it’s like the circus coming to town and Disney World all wrapped into one. However, to the husbands of those homeschooling moms, the words “home school convention” conjure up the same good feelings of having your bowels cleansed or having the skin removed from your tongue.

Don’t get me wrong. I know there are some dads who are reading this who look forward to the time each year to get away and stroll up and down the aisles of wall-to-wall people, stand in long lines to pay a lot of money for a pretzel that costs as much as their first car and listen to some curriculum salesman drone on about the virtues of . . . whoa, I’m getting a little squeamish just writing about it.

Here’s the deal, my fellow homeschooling dad: your wife needs and wants you at her side during the whole painful ordeal. Believe me, I know. My family and I travel all over the country speaking at state homeschool conventions. Most of the attendees are women, and I see it in their eyes and hear it in their conversations. In fact, I wonder if they don’t envy those women who have their husbands by their sides. These men prove by their presence that they are committed to home schooling and to what is important to their homeschooling wives.

So, Dad, let me shoot straight with you. You need to make it a priority to attend The Woodlands Convention this year. I don’t mean a brief swing by the convention on your lunch hour or maybe a few hours on Saturday. I am talking about taking a day or two off from work, finding someone to watch the kids, and opening and closing the joint, all the time glued to your wife. I can hear the air being sucked from your lungs and see you squirming in your seat. Take heart; I’m not asking you to go unprepared. I am going to talk you through the finer points of making it a great experience for you and your wife.

The Family Man’s Guide to a Successful Homeschool Convention … for Dads

1. Leave the kids behind. I know it’s not easy to find someone to watch the kids for a couple of days and nights, but I am telling you there is nothing that breathes life into a marriage or home school like a couple of uninterrupted days of hand-holding closeness without the kids. I know you love your kids and that they may want to attend, but tell them that this year it’s just for Mom and Dad. Get on Priceline.com for a good deal on a nearby hotel (or even better, reserve a room right on site), and then plan to take your wife to one of her favorite restaurants for dinner.
2. Once you get your hotel reservations, throw away all your expectations for a romantic get-away. Instead, think “home schooling” because that is what your wife will be thinking. So when you get back to the hotel room, stretch out on the bed and say, “So, what did you enjoy most today, Honey?” By using self-control, you will show your wife just how much you love her and your commitment to your family and home school.
3. Determine in your heart to stick to your wife like you used to. Resist the temptation to stand and shoot the breeze with Joe, whom you haven’t seen in a week, and walk the aisles with your wife.
4. Do not rush your wife. Allow her to take as much time as she needs to examine every item in each booth. I know I am asking a lot of you, but you can do it. Also, take it to the end. Instead of asking, “Are we finished now?” assume she will not be finished until the closing bell rings. I repeat, do not be in a hurry.
5. Listen to your wife’s questions, and then give thoughtful answers. When your wife asks what you think of a Latin curriculum, don’t just say, “Sure, Honey, whatever you think.” Instead, listen to the features, think it through and give her a thoughtful answer. When you sit down at lunch or dinner, don’t expect her to be focused on you, but listen as she talks about all that she saw and learned during the day. Smile, hold her hand, and ask questions.
6. Be extravagant in your spending. Take it from this cheapskate that when you allow your wife to buy what she thinks is necessary, you prove to her that she’s worth your hard-earned money, that you are committed to home schooling, and that you want her to have the best tools to make her job easier.
7. Do not fall asleep during the speaking sessions. Pinch yourself periodically if you have to. Better yet, give a friend permission to smack you in the back of the head if he sees you dozing.
8. Encourage your other homeschooling dad friend that you see in the convention hall. When you pass him, draw close and say, “You da dad . . . keep up the good work . . . hang in there . . . you make me proud . . . don’t make me smack you in the back of the head!”
9. Last, when your wife asks you what you thought about the wall-to-wall people, the long lines for a mortgage-payment-sized pretzel and all the curriculum salesmen, say, “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

My fellow dad, there is not a homeschooling mom in the world who would not kill for a man like that.

You can do it.

You da dad!

The post Go to the Convention appeared first on Texas Home School Coalition.