A worldview is a way of viewing or interpreting all of reality. It is an interpretive framework through which or by which one makes sense of the data of life and the world. – Norman Geisler, William Watkins

It was 1988, the year that Pat Robertson, Jack Kemp, and Pete DuPont ran against George H.W. Bush for the Republican nomination for president. The moderates were out in force at our Republican county convention. However, there were more conservatives than moderates in attendance; I know this because my husband was elected by the convention to serve as convention chairman—over the moderates’ choice of the man who had been elected county chairman. As you can imagine, it was a very tense convention—especially for me.

I was sitting in my seat, minding my own business, when somehow the woman in front of me figured out that I was Tim’s wife. I was later to learn that she had served on the local school board in the past; it did not take me long to realize that she was from the other camp.

This woman turned around and verbally attacked me. She angrily started talking about sex education: “I can’t understand how you people think it’s OK to not teach kids about sex! They need to know about these things and learn how to protect themselves!” and so on. I am sure that I just sat there, looking like a deer in headlights. I was thinking to myself, “I can’t understand why you people think we should teach children about sex and how to do it, and why you don’t understand that teaching them how to do it is going to lead to them doing it more!” Fortunately, a good friend, who was sitting next to me and who was much better prepared for such a discussion, chimed in and took over, allowing me to escape and calm my nerves before I completely fell apart.

I came away from that experience not understanding exactly what had happened. The woman and I had used some of the same words, but they did not always mean the same things. Neither of us could understand what the other was thinking and how in the world the other had come to the conclusions that she had.

A few years later I attended a conference at which the speaker was David Noebel, who was then president of Summit Ministries. It was from him that I first learned about the concept of worldviews. In his book Understanding the Times, Dr. Noebel defines the term worldview as referring to “any ideology, philosophy, theology, movement, or religion that provides an overarching approach to understanding God, the world, and man’s relations to God and the world.” He explains that “worldview” refers to the framework of ideas and beliefs through which an individual, group, or culture interprets the world and interacts with it—the glasses through which people look at the world, issues, and circumstances, so to speak.

I came to understand that situations like I experienced at the county convention happen because two people with opposing worldviews can discuss issues, but it can seem like they are speaking on different planes . . . or maybe even in different dimensions! They can use the same words, but the words mean different things. It is because they start off with different sets of presuppositions or foundational truths.

Though we like to think of America as a Christian nation, the Christian worldview is not the most prevalent in our culture. As we are bombarded by media, advertising, movies—even the government—most of what we see and hear on a daily basis comes from a secular humanist mindset. A major reason many of us home school is we do not want our children taught that ideology. Secular humanism is the prominent “religion” now taught in the public schools and in colleges.

In a time when more than half of young people from Christian homes walk away from their faith when they attend college, it is important, especially if your child intends to go to an institution of higher learning, to give him the tools to recognize from where different philosophies come and to where they will lead. Our children need to know what the Bible says and why that is important, or they become easy targets for those set on indoctrinating our culture in anti-Christian thinking.

Not long after I heard Dr. Noebel speak, I met Jeff Meyers for the first time. He was working with Summit Ministries and traveling around the country, speaking to college students on different campuses. (Jeff, now a nationally known speaker, is the current president of Summit Ministries.) I asked him how many colleges/universities he would say at that time taught from a Christian worldview. His very discouraging answer was that he could count them on one hand.

What can we as home schoolers do to learn about the different worldviews and to make sure that ours is in line with scripture? Is going to church enough? How do we teach our children to think biblically?

When your children are young, teach them to memorize scripture. Begin to help them see how scripture applies to every area of their lives. The reason that one should not hit his sister and that the one hit should forgive is because God says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32 NKJV) The reason our children must be respectful and obedient is because God says that we should honor our fathers and our mothers (Exodus 20:12).

As they grow, teach your children that scripture is the inspired, infallible word of God and the final authority for all truth and practice. As the issues of life become more complex, in each situation go together with them to the Bible to see what might be God’s direction and/or His principles that apply.

When your children are teens, teach them about worldviews. Send them to a camp at which they will learn these principles. (See sidebar for some suggestions.) My children took a course based on Understanding the Times in which they studied about differences between the worldviews of secular humanism, Marxism, Christianity, and others. They learned how to stand against challenges to their faith by those who have philosophies different from theirs.

As Dr. Noebel exhorts at the end of that book, “Go on the offensive! Light a candle. Pray (2 Chronicles 7:14; Colossians 1:9-14). Study (2 Timothy 2:15). Understand the times (1 Chronicles 12:32). Rebuild the foundations (Psalm 11:3). Spread the word. Truth is our greatest weapon. . . . Perhaps most importantly, Christians must shore up our worldview and teach it to young people. We must immerse ourselves and our children in Christian theology, Christian philosophy, Christian ethics, Christian politics, Christian economics, Christian psychology, Christian sociology, Christian biology, Christian law, and Christian history.”

Home educating my children was one of the toughest things I ever did. It was also one of the most rewarding. I wanted to do all that I could do to ensure that the evil one did not snatch away the seed that we spent so much time planting and tending. Giving them a foundational understanding of worldviews and teaching them to think biblically were the best ways that I knew to prepare and thus protect them.

Some helpful Christian worldview resources:

Worldview Academy
A non-denominational organization dedicated to helping Christians to think and to live in accordance with a biblical worldview so that they will serve Christ and lead the culture. Holding more than 20 camps nationwide, Worldview Academy reaches out to students aged 13 to 18 from across the United States and Canada, training and equipping them to understand and apply their faith in Jesus Christ. They also hold church and family conferences for all ages.

Summit Ministries
An educational Christian ministry whose existence is a response to the current post-Christian culture. Part of Summit’s goal is to challenge Christians to stand strong in their faith and defend truth, equipping them to have a positive influence on the society in which they live. Summit’s Student Worldview Conferences are intensive, two-week retreats designed to teach students how to analyze the various ideas that are currently competing for their hearts and minds.

Understanding the Times by Dr. David Noebel
Both the book and the curriculum outline the differences between Christianity and the other prominent worldviews vying for allegiance in Western culture: Islam, Postmodernism, Secular Humanism, Marxism, and New Age. This class will help students clearly understand the tenets of the Christian worldview and how it compares with the tenets of other leading worldviews of our day: Islam, Secular Humanism, Marxism, New Age, and Postmodernism. In book and video curriculum formats; intended for high school students.

TheChristianWorldview.com
An extensive website resource that provides audio, video, and written content from some of the most respected Christian leaders. The Christian Worldview is a nationally syndicated radio program hosted by David Wheaton. Featuring compelling topics, notable guests, listener calls, and sound bites, the program focuses on current events, cultural issues, and matters of faith from a decidedly biblical perspective.

The post How Should We View the World? appeared first on Texas Home School Coalition.

Take rose-colored glasses, for example. When someone is accused of “looking at the world through rose-colored glasses,” the speaker means that the person sees everything in a positive way and probably thinks of things as better than they actually are. Those glasses are like a person’s paradigm. They color everything a person sees. In the same way one’s paradigm, his worldview, colors his perception of all things.

We all have experiences and beliefs that impact our perception of reality. If we depend entirely on ourselves (our experiences, knowledge, etc.) our vision will be distorted, because we are finite human beings. Where do we get the wisdom that we need for the right perspective?

I believe that the only way we can have the right view of the world, life and, well, anything is to look through God’s glasses—His wisdom. We will never understand that wisdom completely, but we can find much about it in His Word (Hebrews 11:33). We need to avail ourselves of that wisdom and transform our thinking to agree with His (Romans 12:2).

As home schooling parents, we have the opportunity and responsibility to help our children develop correct paradigms through which, Lord willing, they will look at the world God made long after they are no longer under our care.

Praise the Lord and carpe diem!

The post When You Look at the World, What Do You See? appeared first on Texas Home School Coalition.

Throughout the years, we have often had people in our home, many whom we did not know. Some have come for a meal; some have stayed a night or two or longer; all have been blessings. That is not to say it has always been easy. It is to say that through each experience, the Lord taught us many things as our family has served together.

We always believed that homeschooling was a great way to teach our children not just academics but also godly character–including having good etiquette and being hospitable—both  of which are major aspects of the character quality of honor (regarding one another as more important than yourself –  Philippians 2:3 NKJV). Practicing hospitality allowed our children great opportunities to participate in service to others and to learn to put the needs of others before their own desires. They were able to meet and know people who had lived in many different places and had had very different experiences from their own.

If you have never practiced hospitality, do not feel overwhelmed. Start small. Let your children invite friends home with them and be sure to teach them to be good hosts, considering the needs of their guests. Have a family over for dinner or dessert and let your children help make the food, set the table, serve the company, and clean the kitchen.

On top of learning to honor others, who would want to miss the potential opportunity to entertain some angels?

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. (Heb 13:2)

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Receiving a Diploma or Its Equivalent

Personal Graduation

You can graduate them. Because a home school is considered a private school in Texas, the administrators of a home school (the parents) have the ability to determine the requirements for graduation for its students just as any other private school. When your child has completed what you have determined to be your school’s requirements for graduation, you may graduate him and give him a diploma.

Umbrella School Diploma

If your child is enrolled in an umbrella school, he will probably receive a diploma from the school when its requirements are met. Be sure to determine whether the umbrella school requires a student to be enrolled for the entire four years of high school in order to receive a diploma or if it allows other options.

GED

Your student may obtain a certificate of high school equivalency – general educational development (GED). If you are uncomfortable taking full responsibility for awarding a diploma, your student can take the GED test to prove competency. This is certainly not a requirement or even a recommendation, but it is an option that some parents choose. Students can take the GED exam through their local school district, community college, adult education center, or university. Call the toll-free GED hotline anytime at 800-626-9433 (800-62 MY GED) for the location of a test site in your area.

Graduation Ceremonies

This is the fun part of graduating a student from your home school academy! Although a person’s education is not complete at the end of high school, home schoolers often like to participate in this rite of passage into the adult world. Many local and regional support groups sponsor commencement ceremonies in which parents and students may participate. These ceremonies are very similar to those provided by any school. An exciting difference between home school graduations and those given by traditional schools is that, usually, the parents are able to participate along with their student. This experience has provided special memories for many families across the state.

Usually the support group will have a coordinator who will deal with the issues of cap and gown, pictures, invitations, and the time and location of the event. Sometimes there may be a group of parents that gets together to do this. The program for the actual graduation ceremony will be determined by the coordinator or by the parents working together. Often these ceremonies are intimate with twenty or less graduates—and the memories are priceless. After the actual ceremony, often there is a reception at which each graduate has a table decorated to his taste, that reflects where he has been, what he has accomplished, and what his future plans are.

Beyond Graduation

Another oft-asked question from new home educators concerns what happens after home schooling. The options for home school graduates are no different from those for any other high school graduates. They include apprenticeship, college, employment, marriage and family, the military, and trade schools. On succeeding pages, several of these options are addressed. Students should feel confident about their home school education, because home school graduates have proven to be excellent students when they choose to further their education, conscientious employees, and successful members of the armed forces.

Apprenticeship

Many home educators are returning to this time-tested method of training for employment. Read an article explaining more about this option.

College

Many home schoolers successfully attend college after graduation. There are a number of ways for home school students to make the transition to college. The specifics may vary, based upon the needs and goals of the student. Some have begun college work while completing their high school-level work by taking courses at a local college for dual credit. Some begin after high school graduation by enrolling in a local junior college and later transferring those credits to a four-year university.

Employment

As home education becomes more accepted, home educators are seeing attitudes and laws change that have been discriminatory in the past. For example, in 2003 in the Texas legislature, in a measure that merged the Registered Nursing Board and the Vocational Nursing Board, the prior requirement for a high school diploma for an accredited school was deleted. Home school graduates are now accepted on the same bases as public high school graduates.

Employment application procedures are the same as with any other graduate. If asked about a high school diploma, the home school graduate has no need to apologize or hide the fact that he was educated at home. He simply needs to explain that he received his high school diploma from a home school, which in Texas is considered the same as a diploma received from any other private school. (It should be noted that, like home schools, two thirds of the traditional private schools in Texas are not accredited.)

Marriage and Family

Just as home educators have chosen a route different from that of the general public for educating their children, many are also encouraging their young people to choose a different method of finding a life partner. These are returning to the time-honored tradition of courtship rather that dating.

Also going against the trend in society, many young families are choosing for the mom to stay home as they plan to homeschool their own children as their mothers educated them. This is as viable and noble a goal as any other the other choices discussed here.

Military

The United States military is an admirable career field open to almost any home school graduate. For reasons explained in the article, Military Recruitment and Acceptance of Home School Graduates, those who wish to have a military opportunity for their students should look for classroom opportunities for their children, including dual credit classes at junior colleges or college classes after graduation.

Proprietary or Trade Schools

A home school graduate may attend trade schools in Texas. If asked about a high school diploma, he may simply explain that he received his diploma from a home school. In 1999 the Texas Administrative Code dealing with the Texas Workforce Commission (TWC) and admission into proprietary schools {Section 807.2(21)} was modified to define secondary education as “successful completion of public, private or home schooling at the high school level or obtainment of a recognized high school equivalency credential.”

Law Enforcement

Another career that is open to home school graduates is law enforcement. Texas allows high school graduates to attend police academies hosted by junior colleges or cities for the purpose of training potential police officers. In 2004 the director of education and training for the Texas Commission on Law Enforcement Officer Standards and Education (TCLEOSE) clarified state policy for these academies by stating, “…an academy may not require more of a homeschooler than they do for any other applicant.”

Click here to order the THSC Handbook for Home Schoolers.

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Over the next sixteen years of home educating, I experienced plenty of times of insecurity. Were we doing the right thing? Was I doing it the right way? Were we going to ruin our children? Were they going to hate us?

I wished for someone to whom I could go and ask these questions. I needed an older woman who could encourage and advise me and tell me that we were headed in the right direction. The problem was that in those early years there were no older women. I promised God that if I lived to be an older woman, I would be that one mentioned in Titus 2.

Well, here I am. I made it! So, in that spirit, I would like to share some of the things that God taught me through our homeschooling experience. Maybe my mistakes and what God taught me through them can help make your way a bit smoother.

Relax.

The following was a real conversation held at a book fair this year:

“Could you please help me? I’m trying to decide what program to use with my child this next year. I’m concerned about him falling behind.”

“I’ll do what I can. How old is your child?”

“Five.”

Oh, dear!

One time when my dad was visiting, he discovered that my oldest child did not know the days of the week, so he challenged me about it. I simply explained that I had not taught that to him yet. My dad went home, and I taught my son the days of the week. End of story.

At what age are children supposed to know that? Does it really matter? Who makes the rules anyway about what a child should know at a certain age? Second Corinthians 10:12 says that “we dare not . . . compare ourselves with some that commend themselves; but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” Is that not what we are doing when we strive to keep our child at his “grade level”?

If you have a young child, do not push him. The best thing you can do is to spend time with him, read books to him while he sits in your lap, and enjoy him. If he does not “get” something, back off. Give him a little time to mature and try again in a couple of months. You will both be much happier, and he will enjoy learning much more.

For those of you with older children, read on.

You cannot teach your child everything that he needs to know.

One of my sons was interested in computers. I could not teach him one thing about computers, not even how to turn them on! In fact, before long it was obvious that he would be the one teaching me in this area.

When graduation time was approaching and I was expressing my concern that I had not taught whichever child all he/she needed to know, the response more than once was, “It’s okay, Mom; if I need to know it, I can learn it.” Bingo! Is not that what we are after?

I came to believe that if you give a child the tools of learning (reading, writing, working with numbers), train him in godly character, and give him a love of learning, he can educate himself. If a child does not have godly character, he might be too lazy or proud to want to learn more. If he does not have the tools, he cannot teach himself. And if he does not love to learn, he will not be motivated.

Home schooling is not a panacea.

I think many of us in those early days thought that if we homeschooled, we would have perfect children. I even had a friend once who said out loud, while bemoaning the fact that she had a wayward son, that she had done everything right; she had homeschooled!

God has already told us what to expect from our children; in Romans 3:23, it says that “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” I do believe that God wants us to be good parents and to teach our children well, but there comes a time when they become responsible for their own decisions and are held accountable by God. They do not always continue to hold the same opinions that their parents do or accept everything that their parents taught them. Some of them just have to learn from the School of Hard Knocks and are not able to learn from others’ mistakes.

For those of you who are dealing with older children who have gone their own way and are making bad choices, hear this encouragement: This is halftime. The game is not over.

You will have to let your children go.

I believe that this truth is harder for home school moms than for most simply because we spend so much time with our children. We have not sent them every day to the school around the corner to spend their time away from us. We have known where they were, whom they were with, and what they were doing twenty-four/seven.

Then it seems that all of a sudden, they want to get an apartment. They start a job, or they plan to be married. But wait! They are not ready! I am not through yet!

Letting go is a process. Keep in mind that the time will come, and ease into it by letting your children have freedom in small bites, as they can handle it. There will come a time when you will need to step out from between each child and God. After all, your children belong to Him, and they were just on loan to you for a time. Besides, He can handle it. You can trust Him with that child. He is a good God, He is in control, and He loves that child even more than you do.

Supermom does not exist.

I know. I tried really hard, but I never became her. I have known many home schooling moms, and still I have not found her.

However, that is okay. I do not think that Supermom would ever come to the place where she realized she needed God to make it through the day, to help her decide what curriculum would be the best for her children, or to know how to reach the heart of a stubborn child.

God used my children and my home school to humble me and to teach me so much! I have finally come to understand that God led us into home schooling, not just for the sake of our children, but also for what He wanted to do in the hearts of my husband and myself.

I found this article harder to write than I expected, mostly because I learned so many things while homeschooling my children that it was hard to pick out just a few to share. Perhaps there will be a sequel in the future. In the meantime, I pray that the Lord will go before you and make you aware of His presence day by day, that you will draw upon His strength, and that you will pray for your children, remembering that “neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase.” (I Corinthians 3:7, NKJV)

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In those early days of homeschooling, I always knew (or at least thought I knew) where my children were, who they were with, and what they were doing. As they grew — and honestly, especially when they got driver licenses — that changed. It was time for me to do some changing as well. I had to learn to let them go, and thereby grow. I now try to warn home school moms that this is in their futures too.

During a struggle with one of my teens, a friend told me that I should “trust my raising” of that child. However, I had been there; I knew that my raising of my children had not been perfect. I did have to learn to trust their Heavenly Father.

We hope you will benefit from these articles and find some encouragement and tools for enjoying your teens because, no matter how old your children are now, that time will come!

May you have a wonderful holiday season with your teens and the rest of your family!

The post Letting them G(r)o(w) appeared first on Texas Home School Coalition.

The place: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
The event: The Republican National Convention
The year: 2000

George Walker Bush had just received the nomination to run as the Republican Party’s candidate for President of the United States. In celebration, thousands of balloons poured down from the nets that had held them, covering the floor sometimes up to several feet deep. Some of the delegates climbed on their chairs to keep from being covered entirely by the red, white, and blue orbs.

Mr. Bush waved and smiled at the cheering people, turning slowly from side to side, scanning the crowd. As he faced the Texas delegation, he stopped, apparently recognizing someone in the crowd; a delegate standing on his chair took off his cowboy hat and with it saluted the man that would soon become the country’s commander-in-chief. Mr. Bush raised his hand and returned the salute of this familiar person.

Was this some famous person who had caught the eye of the nominee? No, it was not a legislator or ambassador, not an actor nor a wealthy donor. It was the son of an oil well supply store manager from West Texas, an average person who, because of a desire to have an impact on our society, had first met and visited on several occasions with Candidate Bush when he ran for governor. Who would have ever thought that one day the President of the United States would know his name?

Many home schoolers have focused on teaching their children about the importance of having an impact, of making our country a better place for future generations. With our children at our side, we work for candidates who support our values and strive to keep home school freedoms in place. We take our children to rallies and dinners and introduce them to legislators and their staffers. Who knows? Have they had the opportunity to rub shoulders with a future President?

Many home educators, though, are focused on academics. We are very proud of the fact that many of the winners of national competitions have been home educated. For example, the winner of the 2007 Scripps National Spelling Bee was a home schooler from California. The student’s picture, with him standing beside the President in the Oval Office, is posted on the White House Web site.

Parents want to prepare their children to be successful in whatever endeavor they pursue, yes? Even if a student is not interested in politics or winning a national academic competition, it is probable that he will someday be in the business world in one capacity or another.

We want our children to have an impact, to be able to “stand before kings,” so to speak. My question is this: Will they know how to behave when they get there?

I am not a football fan; I am one of those people who watches the Super Bowl to enjoy the creative commercials. During this year’s game, there was a commercial showing a man interviewing for a job, but he had a large stain on his shirt. As he spoke, the stain was “speaking” so loudly that the interviewer could not hear what the man was saying. Have you ever heard the saying, “What you do is speaking so loudly that I cannot hear what you say”? I think that commercial was a very good picture of what happens when a person does not practice good etiquette.

Etiquette: What is that? Many think that it is some list of stuffy rules and regulations that someone like Emily Post created just to make most of us miserable. Actually, it is “the forms, manners, and ceremonies established by convention as acceptable or required in social relations, in a profession, or in official life” (Webster’s).

I like to think of good etiquette as exhibiting the character quality of honor. Our society, unfortunately, is full of self-centered people who seem to be much more concerned about good self-esteem than good etiquette or honoring theotherperson. Philippians 2:3-4 speaks of the embodiment of etiquette: Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

When we studied the character quality of honor in our home school, we learned that George Washington as a young man transcribed the Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation. (You can find this list on several Web sites.) He apparently lived by these rules of etiquette and was well respected, at least in part, because of this commitment. A couple of our favorite rules from his book were, “At Play and at Fire its Good manners to Give Place to the last Commer.…” and “… bedew no man’s face with your Spittle, by approaching too near him when you Speak.” It is true that nowadays giving the seat closest to the fire is not an issue like it was in Washington’s time, but not spitting on someone while you speak to him is still very much appreciated!

Granted, there are some of the rules of etiquette that I do not understand and have a hard time following. I feel that I should be able to cut my salad with my knife until all the chefs have read the books on etiquette and they prepare my salads in small enough pieces that I can get salad into my mouth without getting dressing all over my face. My daughter at one time told me that she had decided that she would no longer eat salad in public, because she could not eat it without a knife. (Now that I think of it, maybe that was just a ploy to get out of eating her greens!) I was once attending a breakfast at which several legislators were guests. I was feeling pretty proud of myself and my manners, until I realized that the female representative next to whom I sat was buttering HER bread one bite at a time (like you are supposed to do), while I had buttered my WHOLE roll at once! For shame!

As our children’s teachers and parents, we are responsible not only to train our children to “excel in their work,” but also to know what to do when they “stand before kings.” Many of us were not taught what constitutes good etiquette as we were growing up, so we do not know the rules for proper decorum. How can we pass along what we do not have?

One of the many benefits that I experienced while home educating my children was one that I did not expect: I found that I learned (and retained) much more as a teacher than I had ever learned (and retained) during my own seventeen years of formal education. I learned many things while teaching my children that I had not known (or, maybe, just not retained) before doing so. If I wanted to teach my children something I did not know, I determined that I would learn it along with them. (A clarification: that really did not work so well with physics. I found that I did not have the knowledge base to teach at that level, nor did I have time or inclination to go back and acquire it. At that point, if that is an important course for your child, it might be time to consider a tutor!)

So, I did what any good home schooling teacher would do: I bought some books, and we began to learn about proper behavior. These days, you can find a wealth of information on the Internet. Start with the basics. Perhaps start with etiquette for children, for that will include the most basic of the rules. I keep a good etiquette book on hand, to use during those times when we need to know how to behave only once or twice in a lifetime (for example, how to address a wedding invitation).

Just a word to the wise: you are going to have to require your children to practice in your home what they learn. Behaving well needs to be a habit—second nature—to your child. The only way that will happen is for it to be required in the home. A friend of mine once told me that she allowed her children to lick their plates after they finished eating; imagine my chagrin! Picture them forgetting which rules applied “at home” and which ones “in public”! Argh! That could definitely bring their mother shame!

Yes, we want our children to excel. Yes, we want them to have an impact on the world around them. We must equip them not only in their brains but also in their behavior, so that what they do will not speak so loudly that they are unable to accomplish all that they can!

Read some helpful online tips about teaching our children good manners.

The post Are Our Children Prepared to Stand Before Kings? appeared first on Texas Home School Coalition.

They began by questioning whether public education was best for their children and are now questioning whether dating is the best way just because “everyone is doing it.” Many people are spending a great amount of time and effort to raise up godly children, but they remember what it was like for them when they were dating. Even though they had the best intentions, some of them did things in dating relationships that they wish they had not – things that drew them away from their parents and their Heavenly Father. Now they are asking if there is any way that they can help their children avoid some of those same pitfalls.

A recent survey showed that among evangelical church youth, forty-three percent had lost their chastity before the age of eighteen. Sixty-five percent had engaged in sexual behavior that should be reserved for marriage. The divorce rate among the church is one out of every two marriages – the same as society at large. Does it have to be like that?

It has not always been this way. Even forty years ago, it was not socially acceptable to engage in premarital sex; however, with dating in cars, going steady, and the like, the temptations have compounded while there is little supervision to help overcome them. Was resisting the temptation ever the norm for this country?

Looking back through history, it seems that dating is a new idea that started around the turn of the 20th century and gained momentum with the coming of the automobile. Before that, the accepted model was courtship. Did that work? Could it work in these modem times? What is courtship exactly, and how is it different from dating?

Dating vs Courtship

The Webster’s 1828 Dictionary defines courtship as “the act of soliciting favor. The act of wooing in love; solicitation of a woman to marriage.” In other words, the goal of courtship is marriage and marriage only. The definition of a date in the Webster 3rd International Unabridged Dictionary [1976] is “an appointment between two persons of the opposite sex for the mutual enjoyment of some form of social activity.” The goal is personal pleasure.

Courtship is attractive to many home schoolers because it provides a safe atmosphere for cultivating a godly relationship and helps a couple “avoid all appearance of evil.” (I Thessalonians 5:22) It allows a couple to get to know each other under the supervision of their parents. A courtship does not take place until the couple is ready for marriage and they have the permission of both sets of parents to consider one another as potential marriage partners.

In most dating relationships, parents have abdicated their responsibility to protect and direct their young people. The young people decide whom they want to date based on looks, popularity, or whatever reason strikes their fancy. Dating takes place with the couple mostly alone, with little or no supervision, and away from the protection of family. Romans 13:14 says “make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.” Dating, in its typical form, makes “provision for the flesh” and maximizes disastrous temptations.

Before 1900, it was common not to touch before marriage. A national speaker tells the true story that a week before his grandparents’ wedding, they encountered each other in the woods and were alone. His grandfather tried to steal a kiss, but his grandmother told him that if he kissed her that day, there would be no wedding on Saturday. The rest is history.

In contrast, dating often escalates physical intimacy outside of marriage from holding hands to intercourse. That brings up the question – how far is too far? Matthew 5:28 says, “Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Many a young man is participating in activities that cause him, at the very least, to be lustful. Many young women are defrauding young men by arousing desires in them that cannot be righteously satisfied. The evidence of this problem is that this society has seen an alarming increase in the number of pregnancies outside of marriage.

Can it be that young people are also establishing habits that encourage a divorce pattern? The typical dating pattern is that people date and fall in love, then they fall out of love so they break up. They date others and fall in love; they fall out of love, so they break up, and on and on. What is going to happen in a marriage when the going gets tough and there is an established pattern of breaking up and moving on? Many believe dating is one of the causes of today’s high divorce rate.

Preparing for Courtship

Young people often have the same kinds of reactions to the idea of courtship as they do when introduced to home schooling. Some embrace it, others do not want anything to do with it, and others will have reactions of all ranges between the two extremes. Should parents keep young adults from dating and force them to court? The parents must decide at what age a young person can make those decisions for himself. The goal is for the young person to make his own commitment to courtship.

If possible, parents should start discussing the precepts that are the foundation of courtship with their children at an early age, teaching them the principle of being under the God-given protection and authority of their parents. They should talk to them about how important it is to listen to their parents in all areas and particularly in the area of choosing spouses. Many couples that have experienced severe marital problems admit they could have avoided a lot of heartache if they had listened to their parents when making this important decision.

Parents should teach young people to avoid pornography. They should recognize that reading romance books may be as harmful to young ladies and their expectations as pornography can be to men. Young adults can learn to control their emotions and to not spend time dwelling on people who may or may not become their spouses.

People who teach these ideas to their children may be accused of indoctrination. Nevertheless, either the parents will be the ones to teach their children about godly standards, or they will pick up their ideas from somewhere else in society – the television, billboards, books, magazines, or their peers.

As parents are making this decision, they should think about their goals for their young people. Society says, “You are young; have fun!” Adolescence is considered the age of irresponsibility; however, adolescence should be a time of preparation for adulthood and marriage. This is a time to develop one’s relationship with God and to work on the skills and character necessary to survive in the adult world.

So, do parents lock their adolescents in closets? Do they make them work all the time? How do young people ever get to know someone they might want to marry?

For their young people, many parents schedule group activities with the goal of service rather than entertainment. They teach them to serve others rather than themselves during planned, supervised group activities. Teens will socialize in a group no matter what they are doing. They can learn, however, to avoid flirting. The definition of flirting is “to play at courtship, to act the lover without serious intent; to trifle amorously especially in discourse; to evince superficial interest or liking.” Flirting is a type of defrauding.

The teen years are a time for parents to discern areas in which their young people are not developed and to disciple and train them to work on those areas. A teen’s goal should be to “flee also youthful lust; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (II Timothy 2:22)

Proceeding with Courtship

The older generations did not pass down to this generation the principles or the practical how-tos of courtship. Many families are trying to discern what works best for them. Each family’s experiences will probably be different as this generation tries to regain lost ground in this life-impacting area. The following are some general ideas that some have followed in implementing courtship in their families.

When a young man believes he is ready for marriage, with his parents’ permission, he goes first to the girl’s father to obtain permission to win the daughter’s heart, for it is the father’s job is to protect his daughter. Usually at this point, the father discusses the possibility with his daughter, or he may want more time to get to know the young man and to see if he would be suitable for his daughter.

Courtship is a time for the couple to get to know one another and one another’s families. It is a time of spiritual bonding – a time to share goals, concerns, likes, dislikes, and values. Courtship should not be entered into lightly. Unless something unforeseen happens, the goal and end result should be marriage. Otherwise, the young people are just “courting around” or going steady. Prayer for wisdom and guidance before and during the courtship is the key element.

The courtship takes place particularly under the supervision of the girl’s father. He oversees the courtship and meetings and sets the rules as he sees fit. The young adults, who are probably old enough to be doing anything they want to do, will need to understand that there is profit learning from experience and wisdom of parents, and they must be willing to place themselves under the father’s authority.

The courtship is not a time for developing a physical relationship. The amount of time (if any) the young couple gets to spend alone needs to be determined by the girl’s father. When the couple is more mature, there can be more freedom. Perhaps they can run daytime errands together or sit on the porch alone. Chaperoning is still a large part of the relationship.

Once a young man feels that he has won his girl’s heart, he goes first to her father to ask for her hand in marriage. When all lights are green, the father continues to give guidance to the couple as they plan and execute a wedding with the blessing of all the parents.

As the world turns further and further from God, more people are pulling back because they do not want to follow the direction our society is leading, and they are looking for alternatives. Courtship can be one of the major answers to the questions, “How do we raise godly children in this ungodly world?” and “How do we help them get through their teen years and ready to marry with their purity intact?”  It provides the protection and guidance that they need when the world has so many ways to draw them into evil.

Some Helpful Books on Courtship

Preparation:

• It’s a Life Style by Andrew and Nathaniel Ryan (Silver Clarion Press)
• I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Josh Harris (Multnomah Books)

Courtship:

• Dating vs. Courtship by Paul Jehle (Plymouth Rock Foundation)
• Old-Fashioned Courtship & How It Works Today by Jeff Barth (Parable Publishing House) (See pages 6-6,7 for ordering information.)
• Passion and Purity and Quest for Love by Elisabeth Elliot (Fleming H. Revell)
• Her Hand in Marriage by Douglas Wilson
• Of Knights and Fair Maidens by Jeff and Danielle Myers (self-published: PO Box 88191, Colorado Springs, CO 80908)
• Best Friends for Life by Michael and Judy Phillips (Bethany House Publishers)

History:

• Hands and Heart; a History of Courtship by Ellen K. Rottman
• From the Front Porch to the Back Seat by Beth L. Bailey (Johns Hopkins University Press)

Video:

• Courtship – One Family’s Perspective by Tim and Lyndsay Lambert with their son Peter and his wife Rita.  (Available in DVD).

Order your own copy of the THSC Handbook for Texas Home Schoolers.

The post Courtship, a Viable Alternative to Dating appeared first on Texas Home School Coalition.

Have you ever wished that your family could look like one of those families that appears sometimes on the cover of home school magazines –- the pictures in which all family members wear matching outfits and all look so calm and serene?  Have you ever said anything like, “My family just isn’t perfect like THAT family! We just don’t cut it.  They have it so together!  I’m such a failure at this home schooling!”?

A friend of mine once shared this pearl of wisdom: “Do not compare your insides with my outsides!”  Would that we would remember this exhortation when we are around our home schooling friends!  Think about that cover family; there is no way that is how they always look or act!  Trust me!  How do I know?  Hey, my family can look pretty good when we dress up and smile for the camera.  However, do not look at my family and think that just because you do not see any problems that we do not have any.  I know what goes on inside my own home, and you do not.  We should listen to scripture when it explains that “they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” (2 Corinthians 10:12b)

Is there really such a thing as a “perfect” home school?  I believe that it is possible for all of us.  However, there is one catch.  I get to define the term perfect.

Perfect in the biblical sense means “mature.”  None of us human beings will ever attain perfection (as we usually define it) this side of heaven; it is not in our nature.  However, we can be maturing, growing, ever advancing to the goal of being more like Christ.

What would a perfect home school be according to my definition, coming from the vantage point of being a completed home school mom?  Just for fun, I decided to use an acronym:

P for Positive

As I look back over my home schooling experience, the major thing that I wish I had been was more positive.  I focused much on what was wrong with my school, or my child, or my family.  If you find yourself discouraged or realize that you are not getting along with one of your children, make a conscious effort to focus on the things you HAVE gotten done this year or on your child’s positive character qualities.

A perfect home school is one in which people are encouraging and looking for the positive side of things and people, even while dealing with the negative things when necessary.

E for Effective

Effective may mean something different for you than it does for me.  I heard a speaker once say that God is not as interested in where we are as He is in the direction we are headed.  Progress is moving in the direction the Lord is leading.

Some time ago at the THSC office, we got a letter from a mom that really touched my heart.  She was writing in response to our Congratulations! Column in which we highlight what home school students have done and honors they have received.  She talked about her special-needs child who would never get a scholarship, never get a trophy, or probably never make it into the Congratulations! column.  However, she proceeded to tell about the progress—in what most people would consider small areas—that this child had made since they had been homeschooling.  But because of the limitations, the progress was great success!

A perfect home school is one in which you set your own goals for your own family and then take small steps toward those goals which may seem very far away.

R for Realistic

Do you have a tone-deaf child?  He is probably not going to be a virtuoso tenor.  In the same way, your child who struggles with math probably will not need to take calculus.  If you have several toddlers in your home, maybe this is not the year to use teacher-intensive courses for most of your schoolwork for your other six children.  When a child weeps every time you make him study a subject and spends hours to accomplish what should only take minutes, you may need to consider that this might not be the right curriculum for this child at this time.

I think too many of us get caught in guilt traps, laid for us sometimes by our culture, sometimes by our in-laws, and sometimes even by ourselves.  It is helpful to set goals for your school – short term (today, this year) and long term (before graduation).  Ask God what HIS goals for your school and for your family are.  Then ask Him to help you accomplish those goals.

A perfect home school is one in which the students are working toward being ready for the work that God has called them individually to do.

F for Flexible

Flexibility?  But I have just been talking about setting goals and working toward them.  However, we must be willing to be flexible in the details and sometimes in the big picture.  For example, we used the curriculum from an umbrella school for the first three months we homeschooled.  It just did not work like I expected.  So we put aside the books that were too easy (to save for the younger children) and those that were too hard (to be used at a later date) and made adjustments in what we did. (Please note: I did NOT say that I went out and bought a whole new curriculum; we could not afford to do that every three months.)  Then there were the days that I had certain things planned for school that just did not happen.  Sometimes we had to stop working on academics in order to deal with character or relationship issues.  Then there was the year that my husband ran for office; we did lots of political science that year.  Sometimes God had other things in mind for our day –- and sometimes for our year.

A perfect home school is one in which adjustments are made as needed and in which our schedule and our goals are tools, not chains.

E for Educational

Does this not go without saying?  It should; but just to be clear, I thought I should include it.  The academics are important; they are part of what will prepare our children for adulthood.  Part of our goals for our school should include helping our children to gain knowledge and to learn how to think.  That does not mean that your home school must look like the school you attended when you were young; there do not have to be desks, chalkboards, bulletin boards, and all those other things that we associate with academia.  It may mean using traditional textbooks; it may mean taking opportunities as they arise to learn about God’s creation (science), God’s story (HIStory), beauty (art), order (math), and more.

A perfect home school is one in which learning is taking place in many different forms, places, times, etc. (when we rise up, when we lie down, when we walk by the way.…)

C for Challenging

It took me longer than it should have to understand that the reason my first born son was the “class clown” was because he was bored in school.  We did many of our subjects with all of the children together, but there was a five-year age spread between the oldest and the youngest.  I had to look for ways to make sure that school was interesting to him, while still being able to get through to the younger children.  Often our children can do more than we think; they need to be encouraged to excel.

The perfect home school is one in which the teacher is sensitive to the students’ needs and makes adjustments as the needs become apparent.

T for Training

Keep in mind that your goal is to prepare your children to live without you.  You need to train them to be productive members of society, not to mention men and women after God’s own heart.  I recently had a question put to me about the importance of training your children to keep the house clean.  This family was focusing on excellent academics, and I certainly cannot fault that, but they were becoming concerned that perhaps they were training well-educated slobs.  I think that is a valid concern.  We used housecleaning (called Home Economics) to help teach our children how to work since we did not have pigs to feed, cows to milk, etc.  Training in character is a very important part of the perfect home school.

The perfect home school is one in which the children receive instruction not only in academics but also in character and life skills.

Does this seem overwhelming?  Too many things to consider?  Actually there are other qualities that I think are important for the perfect home school, such as the children knowing that they are under the authority of their parents, knowing that their parents love them, and so on, but unfortunately those do not fit into my acronym.  Besides, I really think the keys here are that we not compare our home school with others, we seek the Lord for His direction in our home school daily, and we remain sensitive to the direction we are moving and to changes we need to make to keep a good balance between being positive, effective, realistic, flexible, educational, and to challenge and train.

The post You, Too, Can Have the Perfect Home School! appeared first on Texas Home School Coalition.

Since 1990, when Tim and I began working with the Texas Home School Coalition, we have had the opportunity to attend annual national meetings for state leaders. They have been very helpful to us, as we have been able to meet leaders from other states and share ideas and information. We think that home schoolers in Texas have benefited from our participation in these meetings, because we have been able to implement new programs and directions based on what we have learned from other people in similar positions.

One time a sponsor of one of the meetings mentioned that, while they aimed at having good speakers and helpful information, one of the main reasons to hold such meetings was to encourage the state leaders, to give them a much needed pat on the back. As we considered that statement, it dawned on us that, by and large, people are very supportive of us and the role that we have at the Coalition. The time that we really could have used that pat on the back was when we were support group leaders.

In my opinion, support group leadership is one of the most thankless jobs around. So often, people are quick to criticize and complain and very slow to recognize the sacrifice of time and effort that it takes to lead a group of home schoolers. My husband often describes leading home schoolers as like trying to herd cats. What a great visual picture! Actually, we love home schoolers (After all, we are home schoolers.), but you have to admit that most of us are opinionated and strong-willed, or we would not be willing to go against the flow and teach our children at home. Therefore, those in support group leadership have to deal with all of us “cats.”

Because of our gratitude toward home school support group leaders and our understanding of the sacrifices they make, the Texas Home School Coalition has developed several ways by which it seeks to recognize and encourage local home school support group leaders. The Coalition has instituted Home School Leader Appreciation Week during which we encourage support group members to take a little time out of their busy schedules to thank their leaders, who sacrifice to make their home schooling easier.

What can you do?

The following are just a few way that you might bless them:

Give them a special gift.

You could give your leaders bouquets of flowers or to offer to keep their children for an afternoon or, even better, for an evening while the couple goes to dinner using a gift certificate to a nice restaurant. While they are in leadership, this might be a rare and special treat!

Give your leaders one of THSC’s free Certificates of Appreciation.

These can be used to recognize these leaders and to affirm your gratitude. We will fill requests for certificates of appreciation in recognition of Leader Appreciation Week, although we will also provide certificates as requested throughout the year.

Nominate them for THSC’s Leader of the Year.

THSC’s Leader of the Year is chosen from those who have been nominated for this honor by the members of their groups. It takes at least three letters of recommendation to nominate, and more letters carry more weight in the choice. These letters should giving reasons why this leader(s) is the best and why the leader(s) should receive this special honor. Only one leader/couple may be nominated per group.

The post Have You Hugged Your Support Group Leader Lately? appeared first on Texas Home School Coalition.